Remember when first meeting officially? At the coffee shop? I hadn’t the slightest idea things would ever end up the way they have. Yet, I can’t complain because although we aren’t on speaking terms right now; I wouldn’t change all that has taken place. It aches my heart to know that there are “things” about you that you have to fix and I can’t be there by your side. You’ll always be my friend-well what is your definition of that, because I’m pretty sure me having to sit on the side lines and not be able to say anything is not a part of that definition. But that is just me. Just as John Legend sings “ I will stay with you through the ups and downs, I will stay with you when no one else is around. When the dark clouds arrive, I will stay by your side, I know we’ll be alright-I will stay with you.” I wish you understood…I’m not going anywhere no matter how hard you try and push me farther and farther away.
At the coffee shop, I exposed much to you that I typically keep to myself. You continued to pursue me no matter how “different” I may have been. You were the only one who got to watch a transition take place because of the pain and hurt that wasn’t resolved with me. You watched me get out of character and change every day into someone who wasn’t the same as the girl you knew from the coffee shop. You stuck by my side. You never let me transition into who I am, alone. While in CO, we both did our own thing. That was hard for me at first. Very hard, but I got used to it because CO became my own journey I needed to go through alone. Coming home from there I was different, as well as you were.
Maybe not personality wise, but your opinion of you are I. It was more adamant, and you did NOT want a gf. Over and over I heard the same thing and finally we got to talk about it. You finally got to hear my side. In CO, I trained myself to not expect anything from you so that I wouldn’t be disappointed. It was easy for me to not be hurt by the fact that you didn’t want a gf. I wasn’t disappointed, nor did I take it personally. You were the closest guy to me, and you knew what even my girlfriends didn’t. I didn’t want to not be around you. I couldn’t stand that thought.
So, I stuck around and you let me. I grew closer to you, but I remained emotionally numb because I knew where your mind lied. Something changed. Was it letting our walls down? Or were we just too comfortable being around each other that we figured, “Well, I see you all the time, I kiss you, we hold hands---might as well”? What transpired when we weren’t looking? I didn’t stop it because I loved being so near to you, BuT, I also didn’t push it because I knew where your mind was set. No gf. I got that.
I suppose I stopped or should I say started, to detach myself from you emotionally once I saw that I was becoming emotionally attached without my knowing. I knew something was up, I could read it through your actions. You tried, and yet I saw through it, your mind was else where. I understood, just like I understand now. All honesty, I get the whole “not talking” because I do adore you too much and it’d be a temptation…yet, it is hard. That doesn’t make it any less hard.
Meeting you was no coincidence, yet I don’t believe it was destiny either. It was all for a beautiful purpose no matter where the road takes us now. You’ve taught me more than you’ll ever know. And for that, I thank you. I believe in you dear, and I hope you can get what all you need to be “fixed”…that you get it “fixed”. I’m always here..just a phone call or a text away. Always for you…always.
I’ll be waiting…
At the coffee shop, I exposed much to you that I typically keep to myself. You continued to pursue me no matter how “different” I may have been. You were the only one who got to watch a transition take place because of the pain and hurt that wasn’t resolved with me. You watched me get out of character and change every day into someone who wasn’t the same as the girl you knew from the coffee shop. You stuck by my side. You never let me transition into who I am, alone. While in CO, we both did our own thing. That was hard for me at first. Very hard, but I got used to it because CO became my own journey I needed to go through alone. Coming home from there I was different, as well as you were.
Maybe not personality wise, but your opinion of you are I. It was more adamant, and you did NOT want a gf. Over and over I heard the same thing and finally we got to talk about it. You finally got to hear my side. In CO, I trained myself to not expect anything from you so that I wouldn’t be disappointed. It was easy for me to not be hurt by the fact that you didn’t want a gf. I wasn’t disappointed, nor did I take it personally. You were the closest guy to me, and you knew what even my girlfriends didn’t. I didn’t want to not be around you. I couldn’t stand that thought.
So, I stuck around and you let me. I grew closer to you, but I remained emotionally numb because I knew where your mind lied. Something changed. Was it letting our walls down? Or were we just too comfortable being around each other that we figured, “Well, I see you all the time, I kiss you, we hold hands---might as well”? What transpired when we weren’t looking? I didn’t stop it because I loved being so near to you, BuT, I also didn’t push it because I knew where your mind was set. No gf. I got that.
I suppose I stopped or should I say started, to detach myself from you emotionally once I saw that I was becoming emotionally attached without my knowing. I knew something was up, I could read it through your actions. You tried, and yet I saw through it, your mind was else where. I understood, just like I understand now. All honesty, I get the whole “not talking” because I do adore you too much and it’d be a temptation…yet, it is hard. That doesn’t make it any less hard.
Meeting you was no coincidence, yet I don’t believe it was destiny either. It was all for a beautiful purpose no matter where the road takes us now. You’ve taught me more than you’ll ever know. And for that, I thank you. I believe in you dear, and I hope you can get what all you need to be “fixed”…that you get it “fixed”. I’m always here..just a phone call or a text away. Always for you…always.
I’ll be waiting…
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